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Internet Safety Priorities
By Mark J. Kline, Psy.D.
1. How old is old enough?
- Very young kids have no business on the internet
unless a parent is with them at all times.
- Some internet related activity, like
e-mail to a relative, may be appropriate for
a small child in conjunction with a parent,
as it gives you the opportunity to monitor
and gradually teach about this medium.
2. No right to privacy for young kids on
the internet
- Elementary and middle-school aged kids, despite
what they may tell us, are not endowed with
a divine right of internet privacy.
- Parents should maintain passwords to all
e-mail accounts and kids should know that parents
will check in periodically, and more frequently
if they suspect trouble. Parents can
also make it a policy for kids to regularly
change screen names, email addresses, and passwords,
to start fresh and remove potentially compromised
addresses.
- The computer your child uses should not face
a wall or be in a place where you cannot easily
see what is going on. A family room is appropriate,
with the screen facing the middle of the room.
- Computers with high-speed internet access
in a child's bedroom or other private space
are an invitation for trouble.
3. Monitor your child's internet use frequently
and carefully.
- Make it a regular family activity to have
them show you the sites and activities they
like the best.
- Learn how the internet works and how to work
the internet. Some of this knowledge can be
acquired from your child, but you may have
to do some learning on your own as well. If
you aren't willing to become savvy about internet
use, your children probably shouldn't be using
it.
- Kids are exposed to a barrage of fact-like
data on the internet--they are often unable
to discriminate what is credible from what
is not, so they need adult assistance.
- Pay particular attention to downloading, Is
the computer left on for long periods of time,
even overnight, unattended?
- Reserve the right to carefully inventory
what kinds of files are on your child's computer.
4. Protect personal information and privacy
- Make it clear that certain information must
never be shared on the internet. This
includes personal identifying details which
could allow someone to identify, manipulate,
or harm your child, including their real name,
address, phone number, date of birth, , name
of school, place of employment, social security
number, home town and even their e-mail address.
If strangers obtain your child's screen name
and password, they can do tremendous damage.
- Make it clear to your child that they are
not to send photographs or movies of any kind
to anyone over the internet without your permission
and oversight. Once these images are
on the internet, they can end up virtually
anywhere, and easily in the hands of those
with malicious intent.
5. Beware of strangers and in-person meetings
- School-aged children should agree to report
any contact with strangers on the internet
to their parents. Your child should understand
that there are some potentially dangerous people
lurking on the internet It should be
clear that some internet users represent themselves
as someone different than who they really are. While
there are also nice genuine people out there,
it can be hard for a child to discriminate
between the two.
- In-person meetings with internet friends
must be strictly monitored and overseen by
parents. I know of occasions where kids
connected with others who had similar interests
but lived in different towns, and became great
friends in real life. Usually this followed
an in-person meeting, but in some cases they
found each other on the internet. Given
the risks that an adult might misrepresent
themselves on line and try to harm your child,
you should insist that no such meetings occur
without checking them out thoroughly yourself,
and arranging to meet in a public place with
an adult present, if a meeting seems acceptable.
6. Connection and communication with your
child is essential
- Don’t let internet connection lead
to personal disconnection. For some teenagers,
the internet makes it even easier to live with
your parents but never actually speak to them. Withdrawal
from parents, family, and in-person socializing
is rarely a good sign, and should be discouraged
and limited by parents before iti gets out-of-control.
- Make your children aware of the fact that
they may be exposed to upsetting and confusing
things on the internet, even if they don't
go looking for it. The privilege of internet
use requires that they are mature and responsible
enough to report anything threatening,
upsetting inappropriate, or potentially dangerous
to you. If you find that your child is
unable or unwilling to do this, reconsider
the internet privilege. These days internet
service providers are often interested to learn
when they are providing inappropriate or harmful
content and they may help if you contact them,
as some courts have found them liable for some
threatening and dangerous material.
7. Collaborate to create an internet
plan
- You and your child should agree on a set
of guidelines, and your internet plan should
also review the specific, practical details
of internet use, including: when your child
will have access to the internet, and when
access is prohibited, how long they are allowed
to be online, and which areas are OK and which
off-limits.
- Just as you would set limits on TV and telephone
use, the internet needs to be limited as well.
- Too much time in front of screens is not
healthy for growing children--other activities
and outlets should also be encouraged.
8. Consider Internet Monitoring
or Filtering Software
- Although it is no substitute for parental
involvement, software is available to monitor
your child's internet use and limit their access
to some areas of the web. By some reports,
a third of all parents make use of this type
of software. Be aware that software that
monitors your child's activity within the browser
program or AOL may not pick up what they are
doing using other internet communication and
file exchange programs.
- If you choose to use this kind of software, explain
it to your children openly and in advance. You
should be clear about your reasons for choosing
to take this step--not to punish your kids
but to protect them from potential bad influences
on the internet. If your children appreciate
this, they are less likely to feel spied on
or intruded upon.
- Some internet security software programs
focus on restricting access to web sites that
are inappropriate for kids. Unfortunately,
the sponsors of such sites are very crafty
about changing their addresses slightly and
they are sometimes able to stay a step ahead
of the blocking mechanism. Guardian's
Monitor software instead allows you to examine
every activity your child is involved in. Ultimately,
you can choose to restrict access, but knowledge
of what your child is actually doing can lead
to useful discussions and collaboration on
internet matters.
- Consider using specific programs to capture
random samples of instant messages. Some
versions of AIM have this built in, others
are available such as IM Grabber.
9. Don't treat the internet like the
TV
- The internet is an inappropriate babysitter! Stay
educated and up-to-date about the internet,
and don't assume it is a passive entertainment
medium like TV. With the internet, you
bring a broad spectrum of risks and opportunities
into your home. Parental wariness, concern,
and attentiveness is essential.
Dr. Kline is Associate Director of The Human
Relations Service, Inc. in Wellesley, Massachusetts
and a clinical psychologist in private practice.
Through his work as a school consultant and clinician,
Dr. Kline has become aware of the issues and
difficulties that come up when children use the
internet. Dr. Kline speaks frequently to parent
and school groups on this and other issues. Dr.
Kline can be contacted at HRS, Inc., 11 Chapel
Pl., Wellesley, MA 02481, 781-235-4950. Email:
MKlinePsyD@comcast.net
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